As I was planning and counting down for my sabbatical, I dreamed about the days ahead. I dreamed that I would be able to wake up any time I wanted and have the whole day ahead of me. My dream was what you see in vlogs of influencers: I would wake up and leisurely do some yoga, then get some coffee and work in a hipster café. I would come back and make some organic salad and then do some meditation. I would then spend the afternoon taking a brief nap, followed by a leisurely painting session and then a workout at the gym. In the evening I would meet up with friends for an apero.
But in reality, things didn’t work out that way.
The Reality Check
For the first month of my sabbatical, it was filled with administrative work—filling out forms for my visa, marriage forms (I got married right before I went on sabbatical), planning a trip to the US, attending my therapy sessions, etc. It was very intense. I finally got to wind down around the end of March, when I aspired to have the vlog influencer life. But in reality, it wasn’t like that.
As for me, I find myself waking up more or less the same time as when I used to work. I start my day with my to-do list, as I used to do when I was working. And then at 9:30, I go into my office to work on whatever I set myself to do—whether it be taking courses, replying to emails, or doing some writing. I still have meetings with my coach and take online Spanish courses on Zoom, which resembles my online work meetings. My husband is shocked that my life on sabbatical isn’t different from my days at work, except that I look less stressed and I’m not chasing after deadlines. After being in my office for the whole morning, we have lunch together, then I go on my daily walk (as I used to do when I was working), then I continue with activities in my office until dinner time.
What happened to my days filled with going out to have drinks with friends, taking naps, meditating, and doing paintings?
Why It’s So Hard to Slow Down
When you’ve been working so intensely for the last ten years of your life—striving for the next promotion or contract, jumping from one project to another, trying to finish three things at once for your deadlines—I learned that it was painfully difficult to slow down.
It was like you were going full speed on your bicycle downhill and suddenly you’re trying to put the brakes down. Stopping and putting on the brakes to a full stop is extremely difficult. Almost an art in itself. When you’ve been living a fast-paced life, you don’t know how or where to start to slow down.
The matter of the fact is, it is really hard to change habits. It’s seriously a struggle. I have discussed this with my therapist and she recommends that I need to practice compassion and give myself permission to rest, relax, and enjoy. It’s almost as if you’re trying to deprogram yourself from a cult. You have to rewire your brain to new habits and a completely new mentality. And this is very hard to undo when you’ve been in the grind for the last 20 years.
My problem is that I try to overdo things because I know my sabbatical time is limited, so I want to squeeze in as many activities and be as productive as possible. The problem is that this could also lead to burnout—which is ironic because I quit my job in the first place because of burnout. However, whenever I want to take a nap or do something relaxing, I feel extreme guilt from years and years of working intensely.
Learning From Others
Europeans are very good at this. They have been instilled with the mentality of work-life balance. I see my husband (who is from the South of France) who can sit on the sofa for hours relaxing, taking a nap in between work, and going swimming and then going for a drink with friends. All while working.
Finding My Rhythm
These days, it has been a little better—I have really been using my time on sabbatical to connect with others. Not being in a stressful work situation has freed up my mental space as well as time to meet with my friends, old co-workers, and new people, which has been beneficial. I’ve also been working on smaller projects like helping my parents with admin work in the US and also helping create a website for my husband’s side business. I’ve also been reading and working out more. But I still overdo things from time to time and tire myself out, so I’ve been trying to be very mindful.
What I’ve Learned:
So all in all, while sabbatical seems like a rosy idea—not having to work and being able to do whatever you want (which is partially true)—it’s not always easy to adjust to sabbatical life. This is an issue I’ve also been working intensely on with my coach, and here are a few tips and things I have been working on:
1. Embrace the transition period. Recognize that the first few months of sabbatical are often an adjustment period. It’s normal to feel restless or guilty about not being productive in the traditional sense. Be patient with yourself as you learn this new rhythm. The adjustment itself is part of the sabbatical journey, not a failure of it.
2. Give yourself permission. You’ve earned this sabbatical. Taking a sabbatical is not easy and you’ve worked hard to get to this point. You deserve it. So give yourself permission to relax—and telling myself I deserve to relax has been helping. I also try to schedule rest times into my calendar and to-do list.
3. Set minimal goals for the sabbatical. Setting goals during the sabbatical on what you want to achieve is very important—especially since that will determine the length of the sabbatical and how you want to use your time. But also set minimal goals. What are the absolute minimum you would like to achieve if everything fails? For myself, I told myself I will: 1.) Sufficiently rest and recharge, 2.) connect with friends and partner, and 3.) care for family as much as possible. So every time I feel guilty for taking a nap, I tell myself that this is part of the minimal goals I set for myself, and therefore I have the authority to do it.
4. Block time in your schedule. People think I’m crazy, but I plan everything in my Google calendar, even naps and walks. Otherwise, I don’t do it. Putting it in the calendar gives me the time and space to do the things I want to do. So whether it be meditation or cuddle time with your partner, put it in your calendar. In the same way, consider designating certain days or hours as completely “agenda-free” zones where you practice simply being rather than doing. I’ve started to block hours in my calendar as “not do” zones.
5. Make your to-do lists as short as possible. I am a list person. That means the first thing I do when I wake up is make a to-do list of things I need to do. I realized that I was putting too many things on my list. On top of that, they were things that were not so important, so they could be put on hold until later. Be strict with yourself on these lists. Is it something that really needs to be done NOW or can it wait? Your time is limited, especially your sabbatical time. Don’t waste that time on things that can wait until later.
The Bottom Line
Learning to slow down is genuinely an art form for workaholics. It requires the same intentionality and practice that we once applied to our careers, but in the opposite direction. The goal isn’t to master relaxation overnight, but to gradually rewire decades of conditioning. Be gentle with yourself in this process—the fact that you’re struggling to slow down is actually proof of how hard you’ve been working all these years.
